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Photo:  Caity Krone

"My head is underwater, drowning in my panic attacks, I’m sick of suffocating in my tears."

If there is one thing heartbreak teaches you, it is that healing is rarely ever a linear process. There are going to be good days, and there are going to be bad days, and just because you catch yourself checking their location or going through pictures from when you dated, it does not mean any of your progress has been undone.  

In Lexi Jayde's latest single, "self sabotage," the 19-year-old pop newcomer transforms her heartbreak into an anthem that is relatable to all. "self sabotage" is an honest documentation of one's healing process. In the first verse, Jayde acknowledges the inadvertent suffering she is bringing upon herself by holding onto the memory of her ex. The interesting thing about self-sabotage is that no amount of self-awareness we have towards our behavior makes it any easier to do what needs to be done - and Jayde eloquently expresses this idea through her songwriting.  

Towards the latter half of the song, Jayde comes to the realization that all of the pain she is feeling will cause her to become a stronger, more resilient version of herself. In the chorus, she sings, "But in this moment, God, this really hurts like hell / But I know I’ll thank these lonesome nights that led me to myself."

Moving on from someone happens the very moment you actively stop trying to do so. Through its production, "self sabotage" reflects Jayde's personal progress. The track begins with subdued instrumentals - a pulsing synth and claps - that gradually crescendos into a hopeful orchestra of echoing harmonies, pop drums, and church bells, as the pop phenom realizes that everything will be okay. A melancholic ballad-turned-pop anthem, "self sabotage" serves as a reminder that, after all of the tears and tissues, you will come back to yourself.

Watch the "self sabotage" video below: